EXAMPLES OF NEGATIVE MOODS SKIN

Reflective listening means that when someone tells you something, you simply reflect back to them what they said, either literally or with your own slight spin on it. So, how do we get out of a fix-it mindset and start helping people feel understood? The best way is to practice a technique called reflective listening. And once you really believe it and start acting accordingly, everybody starts feeling better. Most people struggling emotionally don't want someone to fix their pain, they want to feel understood.īake that into your brain because it's one of the most counterintuitive but universally true laws of human psychology I can think of. Because she sees that Bob is in pain and struggling, Shelly's natural reaction is to try and alleviate or eliminate Bob's suffering. Without a doubt, the number one mistake I see people (especially couples) make in their communication with each other is that they get stuck in 'Fix-it Mode.'īob feels bad and starts describing how he feels and why he thinks he feels that way to Shelly. Often, reverse empathy can be a more powerful way to appreciate someone else struggle because it's based on your own experiences rather than hypothetical ones.Īnd the more you can relate yourself to what they're going through, the better your odds of being genuinely helpful and supportive to the person next to you, not to mention being less reactive and emotional yourself. And maybe most importantly, what do you remember wanting, needing, or wishing for when you felt that way?.What kinds of thoughts and emotions were racing around your mind?.In other words, try to recall a time when you struggled in a similar way and with a similar set of difficult emotions and mood.įor example, if they're really frustrated and angry, think back on a time when you were so frustrated you couldn't seem to think straight: Reverse empathy: Rather than putting yourself in someone else's shoes, try to remember a time when you wore the same shoe.

EXAMPLES OF NEGATIVE MOODS SKIN

Remember a time when you felt the same way.Įmpathy is the act of putting yourself in another person's shoes and trying to imagine what it must be like to live in their skin - with their thoughts, feelings, experiences, and circumstances.Īnd while empathy is obviously an important skill to cultivate for all sorts of reasons, there's a version of it that's especially helpful for managing other people's bad moods. When someone you care about is in a bad mood, try to understand how and why they're feeling the way they are rather than how it can be fixed. When you shift from problem-thinking to puzzle-thinking, your mindset becomes driven by curiosity rather than morality, which is far more helpful in an emotionally-intense situation, both for you and the person across from you.

Even though they don't like feeling sad, is there some kind of benefit they might be getting from it?.

What kinds of external situations or circumstances might have set them up for feeling this way?.

What could be going on in their mind that would lead to so many painful feelings?.

If only they knew how much they impacted other people, they'd never be like this.Īnd instead, substitute more curiosity-driven questions:.Don't they see this isn't doing them any good!.How are you thinking about their emotion to yourself? Try to catch and hold back on thoughts like: So, pay attention to your own self-talk when someone you care about is very emotional. And when we're curious about another person's emotion, it's far easier to be validating, understanding, and empathetic, which is what most people experiencing strong, painful emotions really need. On the other hand, thinking of it as a puzzle puts us in a mindset of curiosity. Viewing someone's emotion as a problem puts us in a moral frame of mind - we think of the emotion as something bad to be gotten rid of quickly. Instead of viewing someone's bad mood as a problem to be fixed, what if we shifted our perspective slightly and tried to see it as a puzzle? This is why we so often turn to advice-giving when people we care about are upset.īut as I'm sure you've come to learn, giving advice to someone in the throes of a bad mood is typically unhelpful at best and often counterproductive. When someone close to us is racked with anxiety, overwhelmed by sadness, or just incredibly frustrated, it's natural to see their emotion as a problem - something to be taken care of and resolved quickly. Instead of seeing a mood as a problem to fix, instead think of it as a puzzle to figure out.

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Examples of negative moods